Boat Safety begins not with oars, but with determination and courage. Each vessel, port and starboard, must be deemed seaworthy. Each sailor in aforementioned vessels employ must be judged by a court of the deep seas as being buoyant and intrepid. For every barnacle accounted, there must be a jib, pulley, and aft. When the nigh winds howl at ye wooden leg, a boat safety expert must welome them not with merely a grimace, but a defiant scowl, your good eye glistening with the grit of the anticipation of battle. To safely maneuver a boat from one channel to another strait, from these waters to those shores, from bay to bight to tomorrow’s evanescent anchorage, a true practitioner of boat safety must muster an unparalleled depth of knowledge of all things life preserver, choke, and mast. Unto each sail, may ye flap in safe waters, and unto each mooring may ye sway in safe harbor, for where the creed of boat safety travels, thereunto all men shall be safe boating.
Archive for August, 2014
Mother’s Day Classic Note Game
Here’s a little song I wrote, you might want to sing it note for note, don’t…
…wait, that’s a Bobby McFerrin lyric, and meanwhile what I’m posting is an actual note I wrote to my mom some years back on an undated mother’s day. Although it is nowhere near mother’s day, she unearthed this gem from her archives, and after reading it over I decided that it needed to be shared for maternal posterity. So please enjoy this simple ode to all foreign mothers everywhere – except I am deeply sorry to inform all other immigrant children that my mom is, in fact, the neatest. (and coolest)
House of Cue Cards
As always, it is a pleasure and a treat to film for the Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon. Here’s a fab little sketch I worked on earlier this month parodying the popular Netflix series House of Cards. Jimmy plays the role of Frank Underwood, and hilarity ensues. Click here for part 2 of 2 to see the dramatic conclusion!
Free Ikea Pencil
Today I made a little jest and wrote a humor piece about a Free Ikea Pencil. Useless as an item upon leaving the grounds of the Ikea store, the idea of somebody posting a listing for a free pencil and endorsing it heavily tickled my idea fancy. Sadly, the moderation and flagging team at Craigslist, where I posted it in jest, has found it inappropriate and since removed it. C’mon fellas! What’s the harm in a little fun?
As a testament to its existence, I’ve posted it in its entirety below. Enjoy, and please contact me if you’re interested, the pencil is still available.
