Boat Safety begins not with oars, but with determination and courage. Each vessel, port and starboard, must be deemed seaworthy. Each sailor in aforementioned vessels employ must be judged by a court of the deep seas as being buoyant and intrepid. For every barnacle accounted, there must be a jib, pulley, and aft. When the nigh winds howl at ye wooden leg, a boat safety expert must welome them not with merely a grimace, but a defiant scowl, your good eye glistening with the grit of the anticipation of battle. To safely maneuver a boat from one channel to another strait, from these waters to those shores, from bay to bight to tomorrow’s evanescent anchorage, a true practitioner of boat safety must muster an unparalleled depth of knowledge of all things life preserver, choke, and mast. Unto each sail, may ye flap in safe waters, and unto each mooring may ye sway in safe harbor, for where the creed of boat safety travels, thereunto all men shall be safe boating.

Free Ikea Pencil

free ikea pencil screenshot 1

Today I made a little jest and wrote a humor piece about a Free Ikea Pencil.  Useless as an item upon leaving the grounds of the Ikea store, the idea of somebody posting a listing for a free pencil and endorsing it heavily tickled my idea fancy.  Sadly, the moderation and flagging team at Craigslist, where I posted it in jest, has found it inappropriate and since removed it.  C’mon fellas!  What’s the harm in a little fun?

As a testament to its existence, I’ve posted it in its entirety below.  Enjoy, and please contact me if you’re interested, the pencil is still available.


free ikea pencil screenshot 2


Back to Top